When I was in college I had a professor, Lambe Hedge, who was quite fond of using this catchphrase in rehearsals. Tonight, I feel I’ve found her niche. Being that Paris is a rather Christian city and we are but humble tourists, my mother and I decided to book reservations at a dinner cabaret. Nothing says Jesus like sequins and bare breasts. The price was steep, but the expectations were low- at least for dinner. Sadly, dinner may have been the best part. We ordered from the cheap menu and I quite enjoyed the salad with fois gras, the salmon drenched in butter sauce, and the ice cream. It was the act that left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
First of all, let me interrupt by congratulating the sound, set, and costume designers- without you and your support team that delivers daily on your designs my mother and I would have been crawling towards the emergency exit about 3 minutes into the show.
Now, as for the choreography, music, and entertainers- let me just tell you that I think Carnival Cruises is hiring. In fact, ladies- are you 5’10”, a B cup, and able to memorize choreography even if you can’t execute it well? I’ve got the job for you! Actually, it wasn’t completely horrid, thanks to a shared love of sarcasm and verbal abuse my mom and I had a fine time exchanging dialogue about what unfolded before us. The true salvation of the show, however, was an aerialist. I have to say, that for people who think aerialists are boring- try it sometime. I’ve dangled from the trapeze and it will fuck you up! After about 20 minutes of light aerial practice I was sore for three days and it took at least a week for the palms of my hands to heal. Not only was this guy capable, but his isometric strength was some of the best I’ve ever seen. You know how aerialists go into that pike position where their legs are parallel to the ground as they climb up a rope? You know how they normally shake a little? We were close to this guy, maybe 30 feet away and at eye level, and he didn’t even quiver. His stunts were fantastic, even if certain restraints prevented him from going to far, and we were very impressed. His only shortcoming was a cheesy gag at the end of the performance that managed to blend him in with the mediocrity of the rest of the show. At least it provided continuity.
The other “best part” of the show was the finale- a can~can. I have to say for the record that a can~can was done for me at my going away party and it truly surpassed the “professional” can~can I saw tonight. The only really cool part was when one of the women put one leg straight up by her ear and danced around in a circle on the other leg. Dear Bethany, please work on that, I know you can do it.
But please, don’t take my complaining as... well... a complaint. I have been dying to see a cabaret show in Paris and this one had the added bonus of taking place in a theater designed by Gustav Eiffel, architect of the Eiffel Tower. I loved quite a bit of it, and even the snide comments my mom and I shared. Besides, the waiter told me I speak great French, and when we got into a conversation about wine I understood every word he said. Lambe, eat your heart out.
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