Femme on Fire

Santa is a Genius

I can't lie, Christmas was damn good to me this year. I made out like a bandit. I beamed a satisfied little smile all day. And what put me in such a materialistically good mood? Plates. and Car Mats. Yup. I have needed new plates forever, and I just bought a new car, and Mom was totally paying attention. I also got a new phone- with bluetooth for the new car- the Boyfriend was paying attention too! But wait, these are not toys and clothes, how could I possibly be so excited? If you think that's bad, wait until you hear what I'm getting for my birthday- a bike and personal trainer sessions. Yeah. It's happened. I'm old.

I also got some very thoughtful gifts from my Aunt, and my Cousin found me this totally cool mixed media collage. Of course, the best gift was getting to spend most of Christmas with wonderful people and eat the MOST delicious Italian food. Rick cooked for three days, making sauce from scratch, meatballs, sausage, lasagna, and baked ziti. It was insanely good. It also remained extremely good until yesterday, when I realized if I don't stop eating lasagna it's going to look like I stapled the pan to my ass.

Now New Year's is fast approaching! I love New Year's!

The Skinny

I have struggled with weight all my life, so last night in the bookstore when I discovered the book Skinny Bitches, a hilarious book that claims it will tell you straight up how to lose weight, I had to buy it. The first few pages, salesperson of any book, were so good. I found myself quoting things in the book to my annoyed boyfriend who was trying to flip through the horror section uninterrupted. So when we got home I started reading immediately. And that's when things went horribly awry.

It turns out the authors, Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin, are hocking veganism. And I might have found it a little easier to "digest" if they weren't selling it PETA style. This is supposedly a diet book, but it has chapter after chapter about how mistreated animals for slaughter are in every horrifying detail. I'm not contradicting their information- if anything these broads are incredibly well read and informative- I will never drink decaf again- but it just felt like such a let down.

So don't bother buying the book, you can read the first chapter at the book store, and that's where all the fun stuff is. If you have a desire to become a vegetarian, please, read it! I'll just be sitting over here with my animal flesh.

Weekend Happenings: Nothin'

At 5:28 on a Friday afternoon I'm doing what any workweek robot would do, I'm longing for the moment I leave the office. As soon as I do a few more geeky things I can shut down and start the weekend. But unlike those thinking of going out with friends, or even doing chores around the house, I am thinking of how I'm going to avoid asking one question all weekend.

"Rick, what do you want to do for your birthday?"

See, it seems like a harmless little question. For me birthdays have connotations of pleasant gatherings, the occasional drunk fest, or even the social anxiety of my youth. I think of friends and gifts and cake (and booze, let's be serious). But Mr. Sunshinepants is having none of it. I try to be understanding, but the more I try to broach the subject, the less understanding there is to be had. On this topic I have crossed the line, I have finally become the nagging girlfriend. So the best I can do is to wrap the presents and try my damndest just not to mention it.

I guess, to be honest, what gets me most is my desire to plan. I want to know what's going on this weekend. I want to know if it's ok to paint the living room. It's not like this is a time of year where nothing else is going on, and I have been invited to things. Can I participate in these things? If I do am I secretly trampling some passive aggressive wish that I will honor his birthday in spite of insistence to do no such thing by the masses of friends who have asked? Argh.

What will I be doing this weekend? Taking deep breaths and trying to go with the flow. It will be a greatly needed exercise in spontanaeity.

In a spending fury the likes of which would make all but Trump cringe, I had a lot of new things enter my life last week.

First, I've been needing a new mode of transport since I returned to LA last January (some would argue longer) and after my little cabrio refused to start AGAIN when I returned from Italy, then once more a few days later, I finally made the plunge. Last Monday I welcomed my delightful new Prius to the family. Oh, but she is a delight. Favorite feature: (after all the environmental benefits of course) the smart key. For a girl who always carries a purse that is too large to be practical for digging things out of it, the smart key is the greatest invention of all time. I want all my keys to be smart keys. If you don't know, the smart key allows me to leave it in my purse or pocket while I unlock the door, buckle myself in, and start the car. How cool is that!?! Ahhhhh, smart key, I love you.

Here is what my beauty looks like (the car, not the key):

(not my actual car)

But you know what happens when you spend all of your available money on a new car, right? Yes, of course, your computer dies. A mere two months after the extended warranty lapsed, my laptop went pffft. Fortunately, I know a couple of people at Apple. Even more fortunately, one of those people is my sister. After a few days of whining and being very bored at work, I received delivery of a Mac Book Pro for less than half the retail price. Boo. Ya. It has a couple of kinks to be worked out (it was a floor model) but it's a great little computer.

In addition, we received a new refrigerator and, much sooner than anticipated, our couch. PHEW! I am almost worn out by all the newness. That, and most of the people I work with now think that I am probably dealing drugs. If Santa comes this year, I am going to be spoiled rotten.