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There was quite a while there when I thought I was getting out of this scot-free. I thought I would just waltz out of this relationship effortlessly like I did with whatever that was with Andy. But now it's real. He has an apartment. He's leaving. I feel like my whole life is falling apart.
My happy face is slipping.
I've been spending a lot more time watching daytime television lately. Not soap operas, but the one show you can always count on to be airing in syndication- Law & Order. Specifically, Law & Order Criminal Intent with the man, Vincent Donofrio. He is so clever, sometimes even I have no idea what he's talking about. The drawback (aside from being glued to the couch for sometimes four hours at a time) is that not every episode on USA is Criminal Intent, they intersperse them with Special Victims Unit. I don't have anything against this, I do watch SVU, Christopher Meloni and Iced T are the highlights for me, but I watched an episode today where they were tracking a young serial killer and all I could think is that Vincent would have had this figured out by now.
Tonight I totally met PATTI LUPONE!!!!!!!! Oh my god! How awesome is that?
That said, the Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny (pronounced Mah-Hah- GOH-Ny) is not very good. But to be fair, there is no one to blame more than the composer of the score, Kurt Weill, and he's been dead for 57 years. The dull, lifeless, endlessly serious score, which is the undercurrent for some actually rather funny and fiercely political libretto from Brecht, provoked many people to leave during intermission. The director didn't really do much to fill the void either, but enough nay-saying, Patti LuPone was glorious and Audra MacDonald was radiant. And I didn't think I was much of an Audra fan, considering I saw her in Ragtime and kind of didn't understand what all the hype was about. But after tonight I can wholeheartedly say that if you must see an opera, it must contain Audra MacDonald, whos easy voice floats beautifully over every note available to the human range of hearing. And I didn't want to kill the male lead, a feat since his part was so massive that by the second Act I really just wanted him to die. So he would shut up of course.
However, the most important part of the evening was when we couldn't find the restaurant we had considered eating at, so we went to the french place downstairs from the Music Center. A large table sat two down from us, and a man in a turtleneck joined them. My mom asked if that was the conductor, but I really could have cared less (although he also did a fabulous job). That is until his old college chum sat down next to him. I turned to my mom and reported, "That is the conductor, Patti LuPone just sat down next to him!!!" I contained my squee admirably until we were leaving. I purposely walked by their table, thanked the conductor for a wonderful show, then moved to the petite powerhouse to his right, gushing something about how I had only come to see her, because I had never seen her live, and thanking her profusely for being incredible. She held my hand the whole time, and I must say, she has lovely soft little hands. AHHH! The woman is a theater ICON! I touched a theater ICON!
And Scene.
Is it just me, or is it weird to think that someday today will be the past? I probably won't even remember this day specifically. It was pretty unremarkable. In the future it will be a part of the mishmash of days that merge into a sense of a feeling about the days between break up and move out, or the months following my 29th birthday, or the struggle of climbing up my own career ladder.
Right now it all feels so present and eternal.
Lately I feel as if life is not going my way. I'm going through a lot of the suck. But such things are usually about perspective, so I shall now compile a list of the good. The anti-suck if you will...
1. I live where it has been my goal to live for many years. And I own 42% of my house there.
2. I drive an awesome and environmentally friendly new car which I paid for all by myself.
3. I am almost certain to get money back on my taxes.
4. I have been given the opportunity to edit a pitch for a producer who is very respected, highly positioned in my field, and known for working repeatedly with people he likes. If I do well several doors may open for me which currently range from slightly ajar to locked with seven dead bolts.
5. After 10 workouts with a trainer I'm not even paying for I most certainly am shrinking. Results are to be confirmed Saturday.
6. 24 friends and acquaintances are coming to a Valentine event I'm contributing to tomorrow evening. That's double what I hoped for, and about quadruple what I expected.
7. I have wonderful friends.
8. I have made awesome new friends.
9. I am in good health, in spite of everyone around me getting sick on an almost constant basis.
10. I have checks to deposit which will cover all of my bills.
I'll admit it; I got involved in theater for a boy. But I stayed for a man. When I arrived at college to major in theater I was one of the few women who hadn't always been doing it, who hadn't been the supreme star diva of it all for years and years. I really liked singing, but since my boyfriend was singing and acting in high school I started doing it too. That's how I met Larry Life. Larry was the terrifying, skeletally skinny, alcoholic, gay theater director for IPFW college, where anyone from the community could audition. He was also wildly intelligent, funny in the most evil ways, and so creative it literally pained him. He was never nice to anyone but the prettiest young boy in the cast and he was constantly demanding that we singers find our testacles so that we could sing from them. He was a trip and a half, and over the course of doing three shows in two years with him, I came to admire the shit out of that guy. From him I learned about artistic integrity, creative obsession, and of course, Fosse.
I know to people who have only ever known me as an editor it may seem weird to think that Larry, who saw me as an actress, is one of the many people who got me here to where I am now. But when I look back I see all the steps, and they seem as perfectly choreographed as any of his shows. I hope that whereever he is now there are plenty of pretty young boys, vampy showstopping numbers, and that everyone has found their testacles.
First Rick and I broke up.
Then I came into work tonight and was laid off with everyone else.
But worse than anything is that I can't find my hairdresser! I called over a week ago to make an appointment to find that they're remodeling the salon until September. I tried leaving a message, emailing, even skywriting, but the incredible Heather of the good-haircutting-skills has disappeared. Until the private detective I've hired can find her I've put out feelers among certain of those I know to find a temporary fill in. I just don't want a bad haircut on top of the rest.
I have finally taken down my Christmas Tree. Let us rejoice.
